you told me i need to demand less of myself,
that i’m spreading myself too thin
(even though nothing about me is thin).
you don’t understand why i avoid free time,
but i can’t understand why you seek it out.
there’s nothing liberating about
free time to me,
because having somewhere to be,
or something to do,
or someone to notice when i’m not here;
whether or not i’m physically present,
it can be so easy for me to disappear
within the vast o-
-cean of my thoughts.
its enticing undertow,
lurks within the shadows of my mind;
i feel it pulling me beneath the surface
whenever i have free time.
although, you see,
i wouldn’t call it free,
when it comes at such a high cost.
the all-too-familiar path within myself,
that always leaves me lost.